Blazing afternoon,
Idyllic setting.
Captain hung over (paternal nuptials).
Toss lost, ’Grims inserted.
Daisy Kamikaze:
“Yes!” called,
“No!” more appropriate...
THE Andy Roberts blown out of water;
Air blue;
No remorse exhibited.
Col Juan reborn as “camp” commandant,
Elegantly minced 30.
Predictable Antipodean performance –
Little intention of running:
“No need!”
Debut 50 for Tipple.
Equally predictable Ratty performance –
No intention of running:
“No can!”
Starfish workman-like 40 n.o.
Elvis belligerent drunkard-like 37 n.o.
’Grims declare at 214 for seven (not a typo).

Tea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

egg&tomatoegg&mayoham&tomatocheese&picklecornedbeef
prawn&mayoquichemorequicheporkpiesaladradishesspringonions
celerycrispscakemorecakeyetmorecakeSwissroll(alsoaformof
cake)scones(technicallynotacakebutaleavenedbiscuit)water
melonraspberriesgaliamelon(orwasitacantaloupe?)

Ungulate gluttony interrupted by resumption of play.

Whisper:
Two balls,
One dodgy knee.
Good job he’s not a horse – glue factory!
Ratty:
Aggressive, miserly –
No wickets (Penthouse and umpires complicit),
The injustice of it all.
Skyer swallowed by Pammers –
Pilgrims stunned!
Better to follow...
One-handed diving mastery/mystery/showboating!
Mass hysteria breaks out! (Aw shucks – ed).
Juan one for;
Ratty none for;
Hansie two for;
Starfish three for;
Pammers and Tipple join in the pie-chucking.
Taplow resist the buffet...
’Grims devoid of penetration...
Match drawn.

(Editor’s note: Marvellous effort there by the Fish. Perhaps the next reporter might like to try one in the epic style – but keep it to under 500 words please! (Yes, including calling your muse.))