The Fullers Oval never looked finer: the ground was hard, the wicket green, the sun was out and the players eager to do battle! Except…

… Stumps and bails were hard to come by; Betty was suffering after a late night and was so pissed he slept on Acton Green; The Kommander was nowhere to be seen. All in all, the start of a normal Pilgrim Sunday!

Due to Bully’s attempt at blinding Whisper, and after much arm-twisting the ’Grims elected to bat. With an alleged arsenal of bowlers to select from the Baron decided to open the innings with Cus Cus, who was aiming to avoid a ‘Diamond’.

Things moved gently along before The Baron went first with the score in the 20s followed next over by Cus Cus leaving Betty and Penthouse to push the score along. Not easy when you’re still hung over and sweating pure alcohol.

Betty pushed lamely at a wide one, snicking the ball to the keeper to be given out after careful deliberation by Bill. Hansie, contentious as ever, umpiring at square leg, shouted: “Not out!” declaring the ball had bounced before reaching the keeper. Was this the springboard to another century for Betty? Unfortunately not – he was LBW a few overs later.

Wickets fell regularly thereafter with the Pilgrims all out for a modest 113, with Daisy carrying his bat from No 7, surprisingly batting right handed – a technical change he had been working on all week following his performance at Aldworth. Penthouse top-scored, driving at balls and gaining inside edges to long leg – a ploy that had everyone fooled, not least Penthouse himself who claimed he could not decide which ball to hit.

As a result of the Pilgrims innings finishing early, it was decided to carry on for 20 minutes before tea.

With Whisper and Hansie bowling aggressively and Archery Tavern attacking the bowling the 20 minutes before tea proved very lively indeed. An early wicket was essential if the Pilgrims were to get back into the match. A difficult skier off Whisper and a top edge round the corner off Hansie were both squandered before a hard drive to short extra cover was taken off the last ball before tea with Archery on 16.

Tea was sumptuous with Brian Whisper excelling herself and taking advantage of the Colonel’s orders to try and bankrupt the Pilgrims. Doggy bags were ordered to ensure the Pilgrim food mountain did not go to waste.

After tea the match continued in much the same vein: Xero being hit for six before taking a wicket next ball; Hansie bowling one victim with a ball that turned a mile; Betty taking a catch in the deep assisted by his right testicle; the Kommander throwing in like a man possessed giving away two overthrows when runs needed to be kept down.

In the end the total required was not challenging enough and just before 20 overs Archery hit the winning run, the Grims going down by four wickets.