Being reintroduced to cricket recently and playing about five games so far this season, I feel comfortable in wondering why the Pilgrims don’t play for Middlesex or Hampshire.

What an outstanding performance from everyone in the field, no dropped catches, good returns relatively near the stumps, tight bowling... I could go on and on.

One of the warmest days of the year so far began with Bumpy grinning, imagining the dark tan that his skull would be displaying by the end of the day.

Penthouse won the toss and inserted the hosts in front of one the largest crowds of spectators for a Pilgrim match.

Remarkable

Wickets soon began to fall as Farmer took four in his first four overs with keeper Penthouse taking a remarkable catch in a full-stretched dive – the ball finding home within the webbing of the glove (top stuff). Clarence from the other end, looking mean, and hitting the spot, was unlucky not to get a wicket.

Tipple and Zero then joined the attack and really slowed the run-rate with super-tight bowling and impressive pace. In their eight overs, Oakley managed just 21 runs. Not surprisingly, Zero took a wicket in his last over – and by this stage I swear I saw some of the hosts sorting the coals for the traditional end-of-match BBQ.

Omelette and Bumpy took up their positions opposite one another and sent down another eight overs, which only added to Oakley’s confusion. Another display of tight bowling.

Expletive

Now I know I have mentioned (on more than one occasion) that the bowling had been tight, but I feel the need to draw you attention to Cus Cus’s first over. One dead ball, and one ball that didn’t want to leave the comfort of his hand and came to rest approximately two metres from his feet. I believe I heard the words “oh s**t” come from the direction of the bowler. Realizing pace was not going to work, Cus Cus changed to spin and once again had Oakley in a spot of bother and on the defensive. Hansie then sent down his usual tight array of spin, which earned him two stump-splitting wickets with impressive figures of two for eight.

Kommander then bowled two overs of diverse balls, reminding me of a packet of Haribo mixed assorted jellies. But then he lay on the ground, fixed in pain, clutching at his back. On any other day, I would have thought he was looking for an excuse to rest up from an extended drinking session the night before, except that I had been with him and he had barely drank at all. This looked serious! I discovered later in the week, that he had been taken to hospital by ambulance (can someone tell us what happened please, on the bulletin board perhaps? – exasperated ed).

Phenomenal

Tickle finished off the bowling in impressive style by taking a further three wickets and ending Oakley’s innings for a total of 125. Another splendid catch by Penthouse and a phenomenal catch from Tipple (once the big man gets going, there’s no pulling him up – what a dive!).

Cus Cus and Bumpy opened – a four struck off Cus Cus’s bat on what I believe to be the first ball, is in anyone’s book is a great way to begin a batter’s innings (I then decided to help Oakley out with the BBQ).

For all Bumpy’s protestations that he hadn’t opened an innings since schooldays, he sure found his feet quickly. There were a couple of fours and a few singles, followed by grandeur seeping into the Bumpster’s head – unfortunately bowled. A promise of future form from the tan-skulled one.

Solid

Tickle got off to a good start with Cus Cus solid from the other end. Until one of the Oakley bowlers’ constantly flighty leg-spin drew Tickle skipping down the pitch to meet one on the full – he missed. With a quick glance to the stumps, spotting the keeper with ball in hand, Tickle tucked his bat under his arm and made for the bar.

With a winding stroll to crease, Penthouse made ready, though I felt his mind was elsewhere. A quick seven runs off ten balls and he was out, caught by a young fellow called Sam, who I was told is only ten years old (ten my arse, he’s at least 18 I swear I saw him having a shave before the match!)

The game was panning out well for the Pilgrims with only 40 odd runs left to win. Clarence didn’t hold back by hitting a six, the only maximum of the match, off his fourth ball and looked as though he would settle there with Cus Cus to see us home. Unfortunately, the Pilgrim’s god, the god of cricket (The Benaud), had other plans. Bowled for 17.

Up steps Tipple. Well, he must have had a previous appointment that he had to keep because he belted the leather off that ball to score 26 runs off 14 balls. Well done. Cus Cus on 43 was the backbone of the batting side, ever confident.

The Pilgrims won by six wickets, and retained the Cinders, again. Well done to all and long live the Pilgrims. Trust in the Benaud!