There is a book by Andrew Ward – Cricket’s Strangest Matches: Extraordinary but true stories from 150 years of cricket. It charts the great and wondrous vagaries of the glorious game of cricket and all those who suckle at the teat of English eccentricity exemplified by our favoured summer sport. The Tabard Pilgrims v The Polytechnic CC is worthy of inclusion in such a glorious tome.

The young bucks (and Chairman – sorry Hansie) arrived at The Tabard full of desire and expectation, the sun beating down on their broad shoulders. Following the disappointment of the previous week’s abandoned game the Pilgrims departed for the Poly looking to rectify last year’s pitiful performance (all out for 64). On arrival, captain Penthouse lost the toss and was asked to bat on a pitch that resembled more the trenches of the Somme than a reasonable wicket.

Gussie and Ming started well, managing to see off five or six overs of very inconsistent bounce. Some balls trickled along the ground, some leapt like salmon. Just as it seemed they were settling, a plethora of wickets fell in quick succession. Within 13 overs the openers, Penthouse, Kommander and Tesco were all back in the pavilion.

Game on

Enter Persil (Darren for those not in the know). His first five scoring strokes went to the boundary and the Poly knew there was a game on. Butler then fell for his second duck in succession. Persil was joined by Sven the Pastry Chef (Jens) and the runs began to flow. Persil was then bowled following a rash shot (certainly not the first of the day) and Cupid strolled to the crease...

At this stage it is pertinent to mention that our guest Cupid had told the captain that he was in no way a batsman and is happiest with the ball in his hand. The spectating Pilgrims then enjoyed the pleasure of not only watching an unrivalled display of stroke play but also of knowing that this was the weaker of his disciplines.

The Pilgrims, once languishing on 30 for five, were now 103 for seven having easily surpassed last year’s woeful total. Cupid and Sven set the ground alight. With the help of Whippet and Hansie the Pilgrims ended the day on 131. Though we had previously been staring down the barrel we now had a game on our hands. The only disappointment was that we didn’t make the most of our allotted time, eschewing 15 of our allocated 40 overs.

We felt we had nearly enough runs on the board and that, with the help of the pitch, we had a chance. Gussie and Whippet bowled beautifully – the former with fire in his belly, the latter with guile. They finished with two wickets down (22 for two at one stage!) and Hansie and Cupid took up the slack. Hansie was his usual grinning self and bowled some stunning deliveries which had the opposition searching for runs. These never came and wickets fell regularly.

Shakespeare

At the other end, we had Cupid and at this stage I feel compelled to quote The Bard (our Cupid being a thesp.):

“What a piece of work is man! how noble in reason! how infinite in faculty! in form and moving how express and admirable! in action how like an angel! in apprehension how like a god! the beauty of the world – the paragon of animals!”

His bowling was exquisite and we certainly have the find of the last few years. The man is a Pilgrim through and through. Laughter, humility and joie de vivre. The only problem is... he has talent! Cupid saw off any charge the Poly threw at us and aided by the brief appearance of Sven, we skittled the opposition for 74.

Joy

For once, the fielding was nigh on perfection. Everyone was involved. Everyone made an effort. Every wicket was greeted with all 11 players in a huddle. This was pure joy. I have played for this side for nine years and can safely say, albeit with victory still ringing in my ears, that this was one of the most enjoyable games I have ever played in. I hope there are Pilgrims out there reading this wishing that they were involved. As I write this, it evokes memories of Sir Betty scoring THAT six off the last ball against The Archery Tavern five years ago. We were that good.

All this and our esteemed Chairman happily coming back to the pub, following a visit from the emergency services, distinctly annoyed that most were heading home.

This is what Pilgrims cricket is all about. A bunch of amateurs enjoying themselves... and occasionally winning! Thank you for the experience.

Grazin’ without Daisy – or Daisy’s Teas

Lots.

Too much corned beef (Daisy would be in heaven).

Everything tastes better following victory.