“Pilgrims back on track!”

What sort of track was yet to be discovered, but that was the thought thundering through Captain Penthouse’s mind as he sprung from bed and faced a damn fine cricketing Sunday!

“It’s time those talented Pilgrims put the world to rights and collected their next win.”

The mighty captain’s buoyant enthusiasm slipped out onto the streets and began to pervasively work its way through the fog and mist of a collection of Pilgrim minds. The annual BBQ the night before had been a roaring success and it was only with some difficulty that the faithful began to come to their senses and gather their thoughts, directing them to the plan for the day. Victory at all costs. Victory regardless of sacrifice. Victory today.

Penthouse’s enthusiasm must have been catching – the Pilgrims responded in force. Not ten, not 11, but an astonishing 12 Pilgrims turned up to do battle against Twyford & Ruscombe. The most dishevelled was sent home to finish his homework.

The team arrived at Twyford (before the opposition), inspected the pitch (rather damp and green), warmed up (some catching practice involving many calls of “yours”) and prepared to do battle. We fielded first, taking advantage of what we perceived as our strong bowling attack.

Tipple opened the attack and showed we meant business, bowling a tight and mean over – forcing the batsman onto the back foot, making him play, scaring the wits out of him as the ball skidded and swung and generally made life difficult. Clarence started out at the other end and bowled a bunch of wide rubbish until he surprised everyone by bowling a ball at the stumps. The batsman was so astonished he forgot to play at it.

The first wicket was down, quickly followed by two more – one bowled by Clarence with a ball so wide the batsman had to get the No9 bus to catch up with it before putting it in a mini cab to send it back onto the stumps. This was so embarrassing that Hansie was brought on to demonstrate how to bowl and immediately ripped one through the defence of the new batsman and took his middle stump out.

Our attack began to struggle as T&R settled in and began to bash the ball about. Guest Ed bowled a cunning line, eventually tricking one the batsman into falling for his leg side trap and had a catch on debut. Newly-christened Whippet bowled a remarkable spell of two for 12, including a caught-and-bowled that he appeared to see about four days later than everyone else. Nevertheless, an acrobatic sprawl saw him clutching the ball firmly, and prompted traditional Pilgrim celebratory cries of: “Why is it you only take catches off your own bowling?” The innings was drawing to a close when Tipple was justly rewarded with a fine wicket, clean bowling their number seven with a ball which swung one way, pitched back the other and left the batsman clutching at straws and playing at air.

A modest target of 122 had been set and there was bounce in the step of the Pilgrims as we headed off to tea. The tea was perfect and the likes of Trish and Pammers had a steely-eyed gaze as they looked out onto the pitch, knowing that there were runs in the air today and they were theirs for the taking.

The innings started with a crash and roar as Gussie hammered the ball round the boundaries, it was slightly more sedate at the other end as Hansie severely blunted the T&R bowlers’ every effort to remove him. He also paid careful attention to attempting to win the award for most carefully designed and aesthetic innings in the scorebook. It looked something like this:

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Eventually Gussie’s flamboyant stand came to end when one skidded through and clean bowled him for 28. Hansie also succumbed and with two new batsmen at the crease, things looked slightly more precarious. But it was Captain Marvel himself who set about putting things right. A slowish start was ably supported by that bastion of middle order dependability Trish – two balls, no runs. Pammers took over and was looking his ever-dependable solid self until a nasty and rather ungentlemanly beamer snuck its way through and had him bowled. (Is that what it says in the book? I thought he was caught behind! – Ed.)

To an outside observer, the Pilgrims looked in a little trouble. To anyone with Pilgrim blood coursing through their veins there was not a care in the world as the sight of strong-willed, if slightly scruffy, Moggie strode to the wicket. The runs weren’t coming in a rush, but the Captain and his assistant blunted the attack before setting about the bowling and taking the Pilgrims home.

Only an interesting short single, called for by a skipper with a dodgy knee and short legs prevented the two from taking the Pilgrims all the way to victory, so Tipple joined the Mogster and sent the winning runs sailing over the boundary. Well actually it was a bye through the wicket keeper’s hands, but that doesn’t sound half as glorious.

And it was a glorious day indeed! Moggie was man of the match with an unbeaten 41 and £11 were levied in an unusually harsh court session presided over by Trish who did herself no favours by drinking from the Man of the Match vessel – getting herself in the fine book two weeks before the next match.

So the Pilgrims return to winning ways, long may it last!!

Man of the Match: Moggie

Fines levied: £11

Presiding: Irish RM Trish