OK, let’s start this off the right way: We won and it was a bloody perfect Oakley day.

But, to quote the Welsh bard, let us begin at the beginning.

Naturally, we had to survive the uncertainty of ‘who’s here, who isn’t?’ at the Tabs circa meet time. Col Juan had no idea who was meant to be playing, assuming that the entire playing staff was turning up. They didn’t. Even thanks to guest Seedy we were still only ten when we left for the game.

Transport was provided by a couple of cars and that Emerson Fittipaldi of minibus drivers, Daisy. The cars arrived in plenty of time, the minibus came via a circuitous route taking in Popham airfield. Don’t ask.

Spirits, like the clouds, were high when we arrived, buoyed further by the unannounced appearance of Cus Cus which made us a handy-looking XI.

Captain Pilco promptly lost the toss. We were inserted. Ouch!

Pilco and Bully strode to the crease and managed to hang around until the score reached 22, at which point Bully departed the scene, a meagre one to his name. Pilco was holding up his end pretty well, witnessing the arrival and departure of Daisy before falling himself for 20 with only 26 on the board. Hopes were pinned on a Cus Cus/Seedy partnership but, despite both showing promise, the ’Grims were reduced to 42 for five with Seedy dolloping his wicket away for five and Cus doing similar for 11.

Whither then? We looked no further than Moggie and Tipple and a change of bowling. Moggie scratched, blocked and edged away at one end, while Tipple launched into the bowling with gusto, including a six that left a foolishly parked car requiring some reparative bodywork. In a seeming wink we shot forward and, when Moggie departed for 16, the score was 121. But we weren’t done – Colonel Juan came to the crease. Tipple soon departed having made a vital 59 and Juan was joined by Lord Hanse.

Ah! Witnessing these two bat together was like watching cricket from a different age. Fortunately it couldn’t last, and Hanse was out for a pretty good-looking three.

Aslan was the last Pilgrim to come out to the middle and middle was all he was about as he made a quickfire 26 before the declaration at tea. He and the Colonel, who had played some lovely strokes to reach 14no, had put on a valuable 42 runs and we finished on 173 for eight.

Tea was taken and it was deemed to be good.

So the ’Grims took to the field with Aslan and the returning Xero opening the bowling. Aslan looked good; Xero took all the wickets. In a remarkable spell, Xero took 3 wickets for two runs in four overs – including three wicket maidens. So, with Aslan threatening and Xero full of wickets, true to Pilgrim ethos, they were removed from the attack.

Hanse and Cus took up the baton. Hanse, as crafty as ever, took one wicket – Cus, as interesting as ever, took one too.

But then the moment all had been waiting for. Juan bowling in tandem with Bully who was debuting his left arm spin. After an initial ‘sighting’ over Bully bowled beautifully, often managing to get the ball to move sideways as he employed his cunning. His wicket was a plumb LBW. At the other end, Juan was bowling the kind of stuff that would have had a less lenient umpire asking for him to be removed from the attack before he brought the game into disrepute. He took two wickets.

Xero’s initial onslaught had left the hosts reeling and they were now eight down with little hope of saving the game. Oakley made a valiant attempt to carry on with the chase but they were short of wickets. A lovely piece of fielding by Pilco brought about a run-out before Tipple delivered the coup-de-grace, bowling the last man.

The season’s duck was broken and The Cinders were reclaimed for the Tabard. God was in his heaven, the bar was open and the barbie was roaring.

Could the day get any better? Well, for the lucky few travelling with the Schumacher Llama, yes – we were delivered back to the Tabard in plenty of time for last (and second-to-last) orders. Bliss!

Roll on Warfield.

Man of the Match: Tipple

Fines levied: £27

Presiding: Recorder Moggie