What a start to the season. If ever a cancelled fixture was a blessing in disguise, this was it.

Thanks to some sterling work by Hansie, the near-disaster of British Library’s cancellation of our traditional first day of the cricket year turned into a joyous festival of all things Tabard Pilgrims.

Some last-minute organisation meant we had 21 players and a superb pitch just minutes from HQ in glorious sunshine. Obviously Egon still managed to get lost between pub and ground though.

After some heated arguments the night before, Kommander arrived, grinning at the canniness of his team selection, not realising that he had been tricked by Penthouse into letting him have all the fast bowlers and all of the good batsmen. No matter, at least he had Frodo, whose sledging would be enough for ten men.

The team selections did however throw up some interesting grudge matches (more of which later). Kommander’s team (the Raiders) opted to bat first with Penthouse’s Fortress taking fielding duties. I know, they must have been very far gone to come up with those ridiculous names. Not too different to the Chennai Super Kings, though, who seem to be named after a packet of fags.

After the traditional Fingers duck, Ming proceeded to embarrass arch-rival Whippet, by creaming him for three successive fours. And after a spell of wild but hostile short stuff from new Pilgrim Gareth Powell which resulted in Kommander donning the helmet, Raiders soon started ticking along. Atrocious hoicks from Boris and Bumpy failed to stem the tide and a quick-fire 20-something from The Bishop added to Kommander’s not-out 50 meant that Fortress had a target of 180 to reach from their 35 overs. Only some parsimonious bowling from Clarence with 3-25 kept the total below 200.

Fortress started slowly, with the other debutant Pilgrim, Tim Ryder, trying his best to rotate the strike, but failing to do so. When his wicket fell cheaply, Penthouse arrived and began to get the scoreboard moving. Cue Kommander’s first piece of tactical brilliance. Bring on Frodo for some Phillips-on-Phillips action. Obviously the sledging got to Penthouse, because first he hospitalised Flymo with a rasping cut to point that split the webbing in his hand. Then he decided enough was enough and proceeded to miss a straight one from his brother. Round one in the Phillips battle to the gobbiest one.

In the grand scheme of things though, this was ultimately a tactical mistake, as it brought Juggs in for the first of his three innings in one innings (don’t ask). Both he and Gussie moved serenely to 50 and had to retire. Raiders sniffed their chance. If they failed to get any more wickets, then Fortress would undoubtedly fall short of their target. However, Frodo’s second Phillips wicket, this time of Whippet, was understandably allowed purely for the joy of family bragging rights. Surely Hansie could avoid bowling straight at Junior and Egon, so retirees Juggs and Gussie could not come back in? Not a piece of it.

The inevitable clattering of stumps, meant Juggs, batting number 11, came in to try to score the required 12 off the final two overs. But after one boundary, he only managed to hole out to The Bishop in cow corner, with an early contender for catch of the season (one-handed, no-look). So it was down to the final over, with Gussie back and Juggs batting for the third time (still following?). One strong biff down the ground was enough to seal it for Fortress with two balls remaining. Cue mad celebrations and a broken Boris finger as he valiantly tried to prevent the winning boundary. Luckily new boy Gareth is a doctor. Unluckily he’d already had a few. No lasting damage I hope Boris.