After an impressive unbeaten start to the season, a depleted ten-man Tabard went out to face the old enemy on unfamiliar turf.

I say turf but to be honest, after the recent downpours, the batting crease bore closer resemblance to a spinach and ricotta pizza. This was later exacerbated with the addition of a substance looking very much like parmesan cheese in an attempt to dry it out.

Anyway, the pitch was a something of a pudding as The Pilgrims took the field, but success was not long in coming. Xero tied their opener in a bit of a knot and the ball was lobbed to Egon advancing from square leg. 0-1 – Splendid.

More early wickets tumbled as The Bishop rearranged the stumps and Xero got his second courtesy of an excellent catch by Trout out at deep midwicket.

After 20 overs The Legbreakers had only managed to amass 52 runs and confidence was high.

However, there must’ve been something in that orange squash as a very strong partnership took root out in the middle. Messrs Hansie, Omlette, Boris and Juggs toiled away lucklessly to no avail and close to 100 runs were added without a breakthrough.

The partnership was finally broken when Bumpy banged one in short of a length inviting the batsman to lash the ball ferociously towards the leg side boundary for his 50. Unfortunately for him, he hadn’t reckoned on Egon who, with lightning reactions, plucked the ball out of the air just before it could strike him “right between the eyes.” Gone for 49 – scant moral consolation. The runs had been clocked up and The Legbreakers had played themselves into a strong position before the innings finally petered out with a further batsman run out as the tally reached 172-5.

Tea – and what a tea it was. Simple and high quality with all the classic sandwiches making an appearance. The cheese and onion stole the show with able support from the egg mayo and tuna-and-sweetcorn. The cake selection contained some of Mr Kipling’s finest, the Cherry Bakewells and marzipans warranting particular praise.

Before we go any further, can anyone recall what occurred in the fifth Test between India and England, at Madras in 1982? Hold that thought...

Pilco and Boris opened and saw off the first over in solid fashion but before Pilco’s tea had even settled he was on his way back to the pavilion, clean bowled for 0. Not a position of strength when you’re judge for the fixture.

So, unaccustomed to batting at number three, Egon strode out to the wicket to partner Boris, having earlier declined the invitation to open on the basis he didn’t fancy facing their opening attack. So much for that plan!

Boris had started to swing the bat and was looking useful until he was bowled for 12. In came the prolific ‘Flintoff’esque’ Juggs but there was only one problem. Egon was standing at the other end with Juggs’ favourite bat. This state of affairs had clearly taken its effect and like Pilco before him, Juggs found himself on his way back to the pavilion, run out for 0.

26-3.

Bumpy came in and decided it was time for a captain’s innings to get some runs on the board. But having looked to be in fine form, he was bowled for 26.

54-4.

Trout was LBW for 0 second ball.

54-5.

Four deliveries later, The Bishop was dismissed the same way for the same score.

54-6.

The suntanned Omlette, freshly back from international duty in India, then came to the wicket and decided to take the bull by the horns in an attempt to haul The Pilgrims back into contention. He managed a spirited 13 before Egon called a brisk second run resulting in Omlette being narrowly run out. Egon had been running to the danger end but a great throw to the far end saw the demise of Omlette. Unlucky.

76-7.

Xero entered with the same ‘quick runs’ (and lots of ’em) attitude, the odds now firmly against The Pilgrims. Five runs resulted from six balls before he fell victim, out bowled.

84-8.

With only four overs remaining this left Egon and last man, the visually impaired Hansie, to attempt the impossible target of 173.

Needless to say, the required miracle didn’t happen but no further wickets fell and at least the Pilgrim’s batting card survived undefeated on the day despite the shortage of runs.

93-8.

Now, back to Madras 1982...

England reached 328 all out in their first innings in reply to India’s 481. The match was eventually drawn but that’s not important...

Chris Tavare batted for 5.5 hours for his 35 runs, facing 240 deliveries and scoring at a strike rate of 14.58. Now let’s compare that with Egon’s 21 not out against the Legbreakers: 124 deliveries faced for 21 at a strike rate of 16.94 runs per 100 balls.

It’s not exactly clear what this says about Egon or indeed, Chris Tavare but it’s said that this stubborn brick wall of an innings could well be a Tabard record of some repute (or not!)

Man of the match: Egon