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Tabard Pilgrims Cricket Club

EARLY PROMISE SNUFFED OUT BY LATER CRAPNESS

Sunday, May 1 v British Library.

By Clarence

Spirits were high and confidence was brimming as the traditional fixture against the British Library got underway.

The pitch was green but a little soft, and the toss resulted in the Pilgrims heading into bat. It somehow seemed appropriate that the newest member, young ‘Presuming’ and possibly our most experienced member ‘the Colonel’ took to the field to get the innings underway, and with considerable success.

The Colonel foxed and boxed, with glorious strokes and little tickles here and there while ’Ming thrashed away, virtually pounding the cover off the ball with some lusty blows. Both raced along and the 50 was soon up for no loss – surely a fantastic omen for the season to come.

Eventually one slipped through the guard and ’Ming was on his way after an entertaining 36. The Colonel continued to confound all-comers with the most masterful of strokes, now supported by Tesco who was batting his way in when he disastrously played one on. Skipper Penthouse strode in and immediately set about upping the run rate, but despite thrashing out 15 runs at an average of about one run every ten seconds he eventually fell going for one big shot too many.

Butler arrived and unfortunately served up a catch without troubling the scorer, bringing another newcomer to the wicket in the shape of the young Aussie Darren. He almost earned forgiveness for his nationality by setting about the bowling in a manner that soon had the boundary riders in all sorts of trouble.

Defining

Then came the defining moment of the match, The Colonel was given out leg before by the Chairman on 49. What portentous omen did this prescribe? (er... what? – ed) We didn’t realise until much later! Gussie arrived and also set about the bowling, thumping balls to the boundary with much aplomb. Darren was soon on his way, bowled by a cunningly disguised spinner – the cunning disguise being the deliverer didn’t spin it at all, just lobbed it 15 foot straight up in the air.

Clarence did his best to get his inaugural stumping dismissal before Hansie rounded off the innings with some well taken short singles after Gussie found the fielder he’d been trying to avoid. The innings ended with the Pilgrims on a solid looking 165. Spirits were high at tea and everyone seemed raring to go.

Erratic

Unfortunately, the bowling didn’t start as well as the batting had. Clarence sprayed the ball all over the place, and while Gussie managed to get some pace out of the pitch, a slightly erratic line meant the runs were soon flowing far too easily. He got the early break through with a fine catch taken at first slip by young Whippet who used his arms, elbows, chest – pretty much everything except his hands to hold onto a sharp chance.

Whippet himself then took up the bowling mantle, partnered by Darren. An early wicket from Darren (a truly acrobatic catch by Daisy) instilled hope, but the scoreboard showed the runs continuing to flow freely.

Master

Then the master stepped to the line and began to teach all who were watching a lesson in the Art of Spin. Hansie confounded the batsmen, got them playing and missing and truly confused, and ripped through two wickets in no time at all. The Colonel showed that batting wasn’t his only art form by chucking down a couple of tight overs. Hansie dug out another batsman, but with time running out and with Hansie only allowed to bowl from one end, the Pilgrims succumbed to the Library’s fine opener, who carried his bat and secured the victory.

All in all a promising start became a disheartening defeat as loose bowling cost the Pilgrims dearly. Lots of positives to be taken away and certainly a day when the younger members of the club were taught something of a master class by the senior members.

Man of the Match: Col Juan

Fines levied: £14

Grazin’ with Daisy – or Daisy’s Teas

Sandwiches of corned beef with raw onion. Treacle tart cut into quarters.

Plenty.

Post-match supplement: Half a quiche on half a skateboard. Very enigmatic.

Very tasty.

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